“It is a type of Nervous Breakdown these folks are going through...’

This is a realization I came to several years back when I finally saw these so-called Narcissistic and Psychopathic ‘Recovery’ groups and forums for what they were. As well as the often sinister individuals who run them. What I came to see was; in most cases these people seeking help on such forums were not in the least the ‘victim’ of a psychopathic or narcissistic individual ex at all.

Sure, some indeed were and did not get the real help they needed. Others were histrionic Borderlines, or Erotomanics going through the revenge and smear campaign stages of their own disorders in the wake of their latest abandonment psychosis. However, what I really saw before me was the pain of many individuals who found themselves in a purgatory they never really knew existed. Until they looked around them and saw that there was little else other than this left before them.

We have all been dumped, hurt, back-stabbed and damaged, and we have likewise, hurt, back-stabbed and damaged others more than we might want to admit to ourselves. However, in some people’s lives, an individual entered into their world that brought with them a kind of inner light or essence that made life less problematic and more enriching. They looked forward to communicating with them every day. As they knew just their words alone could bring a sense of ease to the many tensions inherent within ordinary life. They eventually took them for granted and assumed that they would always be there for them.

Then one day – for whatever reason – they were suddenly no longer around.

Then a dark cloud of appalling realizations comes upon these abandoned people of the great horror they are about to endure; a less delicious and meaningful existence without them.

While a tiny number of people these days might have the self-realization to go into themselves and seek answers, for most people today, the shock of losing someone who brought so much into their lives sends them looking for answers. Sadly, the many Human Venus Fly Traps who set themselves up as ‘recovery’ experts on their forums, are there to give them the ”answers”.

“You were the victim of a Narcissist, a Psychopath or Sociopath!” “Stay with us!”

For a fleeting moment, the person feeling betrayed and discarded gets a respite from the turbulent hormonal fluctuations and cognitive maelstrom tearing them apart. The more hysterical they become, the more they can distract from accepting their loss and moving on. The ‘Recovery Expert’ hook has caught the fish. The revenge sought by the ‘victim’ somehow now seems plausible and soon becomes an addiction.

In reality, what they needed was supporting loved ones who would have comforted them, and helped them move on with their lives. This is the purpose for the people who truly care about you. To protect you from yourself as much as from others, and not encourage or goad you into the malignant abyss of vengeance for some crime which was little more than being no longer compatible with the person who ‘victimized’ you. If your support network and loved ones are feeding your irrationality and public self-destruction, then your support network has a vested interest in cultivating your eventual nervous breakdown so they can control you more effectively for their own agenda. So called “Recovery” Forums use this same tactic too.

But alas, too often the discarded find themselves surrounded by other ‘victims’ who need them to be mutually co-dependently trapped within a collective oubliette of eternal rumination and vengeance. As long as they can keep them there and suck the living life out of them. They will pour all their psychic energy, anger and revenge fantasies into building up a demon that never was. Until they alone become the demon possessing themselves. They lost someone who made their lives better, and now they are in a disappointing and more burdensome wasteland without them. But they can’t admit this to themselves. Then the wasteland becomes an eternal desert.

They viscerally become hyper-aware of the reasons as to why they enjoyed having this person in their lives, at the point when they are no longer in their lives. Then they seek answers… ”They used me and discarded me!”

No. A relationship has ended.

Just like many relationship do. Except this one had something you now know was unique and it is gone forever, and you are not finding this uniqueness anywhere else within your proximity. The discarded person then drowning in their own anger and despondency grabs onto whatever they can to stop themselves from accepting the abyss they are sinking towards.

The unfortunate reality is, that this world is mostly made up of disappointing and boring individuals occupying a vast, bleak, civilization of mundane mediocrity. Make sure that the people in your life - who add a spark of something better - remain in your life.

When you really think about it, people who are angry and bitter are really depressingly bored and unhappy. When you got the right people in your life - who lift you up - you aren't bothered by anyone else at all. Their charisma is like the fertilizer, water and sunshine of your own life. You'll find that people with a bone to pick are doing it because they are miserable and uninspired, and are trying to create 'something' energetic to fill that soul crushing dissatisfied state they are trapped within. Rumination, hatred and revenge are not creative forces.

From the outside looking in - upon the dynamics of these toxic and destructive Psychopath/Narc Recovery groups - it became apparent that many of these people's exs were not 'psychopaths' at all and were mostly a special individual who came into their lives and lit a special flame inside them. When they lost this flame, the void of the dull world remaining was too painful to face and they went insane from it. The only way they could deal with it was to turn this person into a monster. As the life they found themselves in - without this person around - was far too predictable, average and mundane for them to bare.

The special person - or connection with someone charismatic - are the people who make going through times like this present lock-down a hell of a lot easier. Otherwise we'll be sorry when we have lost them, as we are left with exclusively watching the human paint dry around you. We’ll know it deep inside ourselves when they are no longer in our lives. But we’ll never admit that this is where we are now. Transforming the special individuals who left your world into demons - in order to avoid looking at your own failings and culpability - won’t make them grow scales and fangs, and you won’t feel any better in the long run.

People who are genuinely contented in the now, are rarely tormented by the past.

Thomas Sheridan - Our Different Levels of Archetype

Were they Really a ‘Psychopath’ or a Narc’ …