British Royalty's Swan Fetish

They Have Some Neck

David Barber, MVO, appointed in 1993 - Marker of the Queen's Swan

It must come as enormous comfort to the poor, elderly, disabled and impoverished of the United Kingdom who in these times of sacrifice some important services are retained. One such vital public service which has been safeguarded is His Majesty's Marker of the Swans.

This 'important' role dates back to the Middle Ages and was previously known as The Keeper of the King's/Queen's Swans of the Royal Household of the Sovereign of United Kingdom. The position was also once called the King's/Queen's Swanmaster.

Among the vital services provided by the King's Swan Marker is the yearly sacrifice ritual of Swan Upping on the River Thames were some swan minding his/her own business is killed and served as a meal to the Royal Family. Although in recent times the taste for swan meat has waned among the German in-bred Immigrants who now use the slaughtered and cooked swan as an uneaten table centrepiece. How charming.. 

Apart from the Swan Upping slaughter ritual, The King's Swan Marker advises organizations throughout the UK about swan welfare (the ones not being cooked in Buckingham Palace that is) with fishing and boating organizations. The King's Swan Marker also works closely with swan rescue organizations and supervises the rescue of sick and injured swans (who might be saved in order to be cooked for the Royals when they recover). 

His Majesty's Marker of the Swans administers the capturing of swans from stretches of the River Thames who might cause problems swimming in front of the Henley rowing regatta as members of the Cambridge Socialist Workers Party chant "Ra-Ra-Ra!" and take a much needed break from gluing themselves to paintings, spying on community activists, running smear campaigns, making false sexual misconduct claims, as well destroying working class 'guttersnipes' who might be a real danger to the establishment.

In this age of cut-backs and austerity it's a wonderful thing to see there is no 'swan song' for this vital profession.